Today was the little man’s two-year assessment, which I
potentially expected to be a bit more intense than it actually was. If you haven’t
had your one yet, here’s what to expect, if our appointment was anything to go
by:
1. The appointment to be randomly cancelled in advance and then
rebooked for a month later with no attempt at an explanation
2.
It to occur exactly at the mid-point of what
would normally be your little one’s nap time, meaning he will either be a bit
over-tired or a bit hyper
3.
A brief explanation that depending on the
results of the questionnaire they posted out to you in advance, your little one
will either be categorised as black (behind where he should be), grey (a
smidgen behind where he should be) or white (where he should be). A curious
choice of colours methinks. Perhaps a rebranding to red, amber, green would
make more sense!?
4.
A complete disregard for talking about what you
ticked on the questionnaire – I guess parents are assumed to be honest and
trustworthy when completing questionnaires that may have the outcome of their
child being referred to a specialist!
5.
Your little one will stroll off and do his level
best to fall off the wooden slide in a variety of humorous ways (and being
someone is watching you feel the need to adopt your parent voice and keep
telling him to be careful and to sit down on the slide and to use the stairs in
a safe manner like he normally does)
6.
Little one will have his height measured, but
you will then be told that there is no scientific way to predict final height
based on this, despite lots of old wives’ tales to the contrary! He’ll be told
he is very tall for his age.
7.
Little one will have his weight measured on
proper standy-up scales, fully clothed. He’ll be told what a big boy he is!
8.
The staff member will then spend a few minutes
trying to work out in her head what his weight is in lbs and failing pretty
miserably. ‘Well, he’s xxx kg, and that is xx in grams, and this works out as
something like xx lbs, so that’s maybe about 2 stones, because there are
roughly around 15lbs in a stone.’ So we know that he is roughly 2 stone, but
only if you aren’t very good at maths.
9.
You’ll be asked:
a) if you have any concerns about
his health – ‘no’,
b) whether you are giving him a balanced diet, including fruit
veg, proteins and carbohydrates – ‘no we just feed him KFC, cake and Red Bull
like we eat’ (who would tell a health visitor that they aren’t giving their
little one a balanced diet anyway?!),
c) whether you have thought about / started
potty training (with accompanying leaflet if you say ‘no’) and that’s about it!
10.
Little one will say ‘bye, bye, lady’ and that’s
that done until he’s 3 ½!
So what I had anticipated would be an intense one hour
grilling of our parenthood skills turned out to be a 25 minute chat to tell us
everything was fine!
In other news today, the sun shone, I chopped a tree down, took a pretty photo of a flower and drank alcohol whilst watching MTV Dance and writing a blog entry, because a fellow blog addict told me to (write an entry, not drink!!)
Ah the let's tick some boxes assessment :) did they ask can he use a spoon? I found that one odd. Love the flower, and damn - that tree! (And you're welcome - anytime you need a push, shove and a wollop just let me know :) )
ReplyDeleteI'll happily accept a push, but may complain a trifle if shoved or walloped!! I'm glad you liked my flower 🌹🌹 The spoon question was part of the questionnaire - we should have said he uses chopsticks instead 😂😂
DeleteSounds well worth the 25 minutes...! I hate those checks for many of the reasons you describe, although you're slightly more kind about the process than me. Our two year check was scheduled to take place at 9.00 on a Monday morning. At 08.57, when I was AT the designated venue, I had a call to say it'd been cancelled. They didn't bother to make us another one. I'm both unimpressed and moany about the whole thing! Lovely picture of a flower 😉 What drink did you turn to?!
ReplyDeleteWow that beats our experience then!! My alcoholic preferences at the moment are Apple Jim Beam and Coke or Vodka & Monster (to keep me awake!!) I hope the 3am feed was enjoyable 😜
DeleteWe had a lot of chatting about safety in the home (he's never been to hospital, has never broken anything and has only been to the doctor once in 2.5 yrs) . It was a load of twaddle...I have one child with delays in everything so I am pretty good at knowing if he's on track or not!!! #BloggerClubUK
ReplyDeleteWe had nothing on safety in the home!! It looked like she wasn't really sure what she was supposed to be covering!! Made for a quick stress-free session though!!
DeleteHa! Ahh got to love the two year check - I remember being puzzled when they asked if he could thread macaroni onto a piece of string - I think my facial expression gave her the answer (A look of WHY THE F WOULD I EVER HAVE TRIED TO MAKE HIM DO THAT?!) #Bloggerclubuk
ReplyDeletePerhaps it's to assess their future potential to be a jeweller designer?! Although to be fair I spent years learning Latin at school and have never used that since either 😂😂
DeleteYes it's all very underwhelming isn't it! The pasta on a string amused me too. I guess it's just to assess likelihood you are letting them drink Red Bull or not but the rest is just silly. Great post! #BloggerClubUK
ReplyDeleteThanks! Little one enjoyed it at least as they had lots of cool toys and stuff!! So he got something out of it even if no one else did!!
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